Texas Sized Superlatives

The Republic of Texas Reminds of This:

Song: Not Dark Yet, Bob Dylan. I only listened to this after I left Texas, but when I did hear it, it felt like I was driving back through the state. Great song. Great state.

Movie: U-Turn. If you've been to Texas, you know what I mean.

Actor: Eddie Murphy. He's had some hits. And they've been very entertaining. But in those long spaces of time between hits, his movies have only been sadly entertaining. Well. That's what it's like to drive through Texas. Occasionally, you come across a major stop on the road and it's entertaining. But in the intervening hours between them, only sad entertainment.

Actress: Reese Witherspoon. With her films, you know what you're going to get, no surprises. Texas is much the same way. You know what you're in for when you drive through it. Still, it doesn't fail in the end.

Drink: Dr. Thunder. It tastes the same as Dr. Pepper, but it's cheaper and comes minus the ad campaign. Texas, also, isn't a name brand. It's not California, or New York, or Florida.

Slogan: Drivers Wanted. If Texas had or does employ this slogan, say in the form of "People Wanted" to pump up the state...chances are... I'll end up moving to Texas.

Life Event: Quitting your job. Because you have to have a reason for doing that. People, also, don't just up and go to Texas. They have to have a reason. You have to have a reason.

Poem: The Wasteland, T.S. Eliot. Not read all of it, but seems like it would remind me of Texas.

Book: Any textbook you get at the beginning of a class. You think, man, I'm going to have to read this whole book! It's a little overwhelming. Same feeling after you've driven through Texas.

Band: Hootie and the Blowfish. Because they were pretty cool at first. But did you know 12 years later, they're still here. When you first get into Texas, it's like: "Cool, I'm in Texas". But after hours upon hours of driving, it's like: "I'm still here?".

Smell: Like someone farted on a rotten egg. I apologize for being crass. You have Texarkana to thank.

President: Ronald Reagan. Because he was so recent and so much larger than life, everyone thinks they know about Reagan. But they don't know. Texas is also quite large, and people think they know Texas based on popular opinions of Texas. I assure you then, you don't know Texas.

Philosopher: Immanuel Kant. He wrote a lot but if you've read all of what he wrote, I guarantee you, you won't be quite sure of what he's said in the end. Texas is quite large, but you're not sure what to make of it. It could go either way.

Game: Awesome Catches. Because Texas is something that was made up as developers went along. And it doesn't quite make sense in the end. If we had further developed Awesome Catches would've involved stat keeping that amounted to: catches made while leaping to one's left, catching the ball 9 inches over the fence and landing with two feet. With less than two outs. On grass. At night.

Sport: Soccer. Because everyone thinks they know about Texas. And everyone thinks it's stupid. But there's a lot more to it.

Two other points to note:

The most consistent thing you'll see in Texas is the random walker. Usually, the person is walking down the middle of the street, by themself, at a random time. I call them R-Dubs. If you've ever been to Texas, you know what I mean. Very bizarre.

Also, Texas Roadhouse isn't called just Roadhouse in Texas. Texans still call it Texas Roadhouse.